When I was in the third grade, I asked this kid Tim to the school dance. Well, I asked my friend to ask him for me, which was the elementary school equivalent of messaging him on OkCupid (i.e. definitely silly but it protects your feelings somewhat, right?). He said no. Nay, he said “hell no.” Why you ask? Why would somebody not have totally fallen head over heels in love with this face? No, it wasn’t because I already wore weird high-waisted shorts with patterned tights; it was because I had fuzzy arms and legs.
I don’t shave most of my body hair anymore because the routine irritated my skin, ate up my time, and eventually stopped feeling like my choice. I still trim or shave occasionally when I want to. The difference is that I no longer treat being hairless as a requirement for being feminine.
So I fixed it! Because for some reason, it had somehow already been ingrained in my system that if somebody didn’t like something about me, change was the only option.
Keep in mind, I was in the third grade. At age 9, children often aren’t really allowed to have scissors on their own, let alone use razors to reduce the extremely little hair they have already to nil. But shave, I did. My arms and my legs, every day until I was 13, at which point I added my underarms. Sure, it was annoying to always take so much time in the shower, but that’s “what women do,” so it made sense to me. It was written in the books I read about puberty and everyone I knew did it, which were good enough reasons for me.
(Related: Why I’m Growing Out My Armpit Hair?)
At 14, I self-Brazilian’d, using tweezers. I was too afraid to shave that area, so I literally plucked every single hair until I was as hairless as I had been five years before (and it hurt. I would seriously rather get scarification once more than ever fucking pluck that area again). I did it because several of my friends told me that that’s what you’re “supposed” to do as you get older. Otherwise, it was commonly known that boys would never want to hook up with you and girls would make fun of you.
It’s strange, not to mention confusing, how, as you’re a little girl trying so hard to become a woman, it’s expected that you’ll make yourself look like a child again in order to do “adult” things.
As I got older, I kept shaving day in and day out. Even though I have extremely sensitive skin (thanks, psoriasis), I just kept doing it because I am a woman and I was under this weird impression that if I stopped, I would be the only one on the planet who didn’t. It would trigger my skin to get hives or be red and blotchy or simply throb for a few hours, sure, but I thought it was totally worth it to prevent any judgment.
Although I never really felt comfortable shaving my entire pubic area, I still did it because I was terrified that if I stopped, nobody who saw me without clothes would ever think I was sexy again. Hair, after all, is sexy on men while the absence of it is equally sexy on women; at least, that is the assumption I operated under every time I stepped into the shower.
However, every summer starting in 2009, I would stop shaving my legs. After all, I was always in relationships with people who were far away (again, my decisions still revolved around my significant others). I loved how short my showers were, how much I saved on razors, and the way my skin was never irritated. And, to be frank, I loved even more the fact that I looked like an adult with my clothes off as opposed to the uncomfortably bald childlike parts I saw every time I looked down after shaving.
Without being too explicit, I still do some maintenance, but I don’t remove everything because I feel so incredibly exposed. Perhaps it’s in part because of my past, but I feel extremely uncomfortable when men tell me that they only like having sex with women who don’t have any body hair. I can’t help it; I think it’s inherently creepy to prefer your partner to appear prepubescent. Even if that partner isn’t a creep, it still gives them a creepy factor to me and I don’t like it.
In fact, the elimination of body hair below the belt is probably the one I take most issue with being dictated as some kind of femininity requirement. It’s one thing if you prefer your body that way, so please don’t think that if you get Brazilians, I’m somehow calling you strange or insulting your habits! It’s just an entirely different one to be a man criticizing women who prefer their pubic area to show signs of development past their preteen years.
When I wrote about a survey I did regarding many women’s shaving habits, I received a comment from a man who stated that he “expects women to be clean and groomed” for himself, as though it’s somehow unhygienic to not shave. And it’s not really okay to “expect” anything outside of basic hygiene for your partner’s appearance; if you don’t already enjoy that person the way he or she is, why are you banging them?
I get that people have preferences, which is fine, but insisting on altering your partner’s choices is different. If I had a nickel for every time I had heard a guy friend state that they found it “gross” when females didn’t shave, I could probably buy those fellahs each a trip to the spa so they could feel how awesome and totally pleasant it is to rip your hair out of its follicles.
It’s become a sort of filter for me. While I have yet to meet a guy in California, New York City, or elsewhere who didn’t want to be with me because of my anti-shaving habits, if I were to encounter one who expected me to shave, I would instantly know that they weren’t my type. Any sort of person who refuses to accept the decisions I make for myself is not the type I can be with.
By no means am I trying to judge people or be all holier-than-thou towards those who do eliminate their body hair! I mean, I still shave my legs once in a while (especially if I’m going to wear tights because static = ouch) and everything else occasionally, but that is only because I’ve chosen to do it entirely based on my own desire to.
If you happen to wax your entire body, I am absolutely not going to judge you; in fact, I admire your pain tolerance more than I can say! But do it because you love how it looks or feels, not because you’re afraid people won’t be into your body as much if you don’t or because you feel obligated.
If you love sugaring or using depilatories or just good ol’ razor shaving, go for it; if you want to stop, then stop. It’s all up to you because it’s not your partner’s legs or underarms or bikini line: it’s your choice.
Stars like Mo’Nique and Amanda Palmer have had that decision made famously public simply by not shaving. Even though they’ve faced quite a bit of criticism for that choice, they still know that it’s theirs to make, as is yours. Sure, some people might get needlessly upset, but others will recognize that it seriously doesn’t matter and has no bearing on whether or not you’re awesome.
As a kid, I was afraid to stop shaving because no one would ever think I was pretty or sexy or feminine again. Oddly enough, it’s sort of raised my self-esteem and made me stop feeling so self-conscious about the way my body naturally exists.
Now, instead of even caring if people find me pretty, I’m focused on whether or not I feel healthy and good about myself. And, to use a terrible pun, I will say that it makes for smoother sailing than any kind of shaving ever did.
What Happens If You Stop Shaving Body Hair?
Mostly, your hair grows back to its usual length and texture over time. It may feel prickly at first because shaved hairs have blunt ends. Shaving doesn’t make body hair grow back thicker, darker, or faster, according to Mayo Clinic.
Skipping the razor can also mean fewer shaving-related nicks, ingrown hairs, and patches of irritation. That’s especially appealing if shaving has been hard on your skin. The American Academy of Dermatology specifically recommends growing hair out when avoiding razor bumps is an option. It isn’t a guarantee that every itch or rash will disappear, though. Persistent or painful skin symptoms deserve attention from a dermatologist.
If You Still Want to Groom, You Have Options
You don’t have to pick between removing every hair and never touching a razor again. A guarded electric trimmer can shorten hair without taking it down to the skin. If you prefer shaving, soften the hair with water, use a shaving cream or gel suited to sensitive skin, shave in the direction of growth, and keep your blade clean and sharp. Those are among the AAD’s shaving recommendations.
Pubic hair doesn’t need to be removed for cleanliness. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says there is no medical or hygiene reason to shave or wax it. If you do want to groom there, trimming is generally less likely to injure sensitive skin than close shaving or waxing. Avoid using depilatory creams on the genital area unless a product is explicitly intended for that use, and don’t shave over actively irritated or broken skin.
Why I Haven’t Shaved in Months
Here are some fun facts about winter: It’s cold, the heater is constantly on, and I’m one hairy lady.
Honestly, I’m not all that jazzed about shaving, to begin with, especially my legs. I’m tall. I have long legs. Bending over in a shower with hot water beating on my back as I try to shave as quickly and efficiently as possible isn’t very enjoyable. But like so many other women, I still succumb to societal pressures of having hairless legs as soon as the sun comes out and the blazing heat forces me into shorts (without tights).
But when it’s cold out, and I’m bundled up 90 percent of the time? Uh, forget it.
I don’t know how much warmth I’m generating with my thin layer of leg hair and my, honestly not too pleasant, collection of hair under my armpits. I’m going to venture a guess and say not much. But I cannot be bothered to get rid of it right now.
Who’s going to see my legs in this never-ending winter anyway? I barely see my legs these days. My armpit hair isn’t going to startle anyone if it’s hidden away under my massive coat. So why should I spend money on overpriced razors when that money could go to buying food or thrift shopping? Seriously, the thrifted sweater I’m wearing at this very moment cost less than a crappy pack of disposable razors.
It’s also a lot cooler than a pack of razors. And by cooler, I mean really weird because it’s about RVing and has novelty farm animals all over it, but that’s what you get at a thrift shop.
Anyway, my point is that I haven’t shaved in months, and it’s mostly out of laziness. There’s nothing revolutionary or inherently feminist about this gesture, but the fact that some people might look at my legs or armpits and cringe a bit speaks volumes. Do I really care at the moment? Nah. I happily walked around my apartment with my hairy legs flying free when my roommate brought a guy around. If he noticed them, he either didn’t give a damn or managed to stop himself from vomiting over such an extreme lack of feminine upkeep. What a champ.
So here’s what I want to know: Do you shave during colder months? If so, why? If not, I’m nosy, and I still want to know why.
Frequently Asked Questions About Body Hair
Is it okay not to shave your body hair?
Yes. Removing leg, arm, and underarm hair is a grooming preference, not a requirement. You can shave, trim, wax, or leave your hair alone, and you can change your mind whenever you like.
Is having pubic hair unhygienic?
No. Pubic hair is normal, and removing it doesn’t make someone inherently cleaner. Gentle washing is what matters. ACOG explains that there is no medical reason to remove pubic hair.
Is trimming better than shaving sensitive areas?
If close shaving gives you bumps or irritation, a trimmer with a guard may be a more comfortable compromise. It leaves a little length instead of cutting hair flush with the skin. Use clean equipment and follow the manufacturer’s instructions.
Should I shave my legs or pubic hair for a partner or date?
Only if that’s what you want. Partners can talk about preferences respectfully, but a preference isn’t an obligation. Your comfort and consent matter more than meeting somebody else’s grooming standard.
How can I shave without irritating my skin?
Wet the skin and hair first, use a gentle shaving cream or gel, shave with the grain, rinse the blade frequently, and replace dull blades. If you have psoriasis or another skin condition, avoid shaving over inflamed skin and ask a dermatologist about your options if irritation keeps returning.
Does stopping shaving make body hair grow thicker?
No. Hair can feel coarser as the blunt shaved tip grows out, but shaving doesn’t change the hair’s actual thickness or growth rate.
Do you shave because it’s comfortable, because you like the look, or because you feel expected to? Which parts of your routine have you kept or let go? Tell us in the comments.
